Red
by hellyeahglee
Summary: "When you love someone like I loved her, they're a part of you. It's like you're attached by this invisible tether. And no matter how far away you are, you can always feel them." AU Faberry fic in which Rachel looks back on the memories of her relationship with Quinn after her death. M for some language and possibly later chapters.
1. I'm Trying

_My Dear Quinn,_

_I know you won't ever read this, but I need to talk to you. I miss you so much. Everyday ends up bringing a new type of pain. I thought I had experienced them all, you know? Guess not. Its been 6 months since you were hit by that car. I wish I could go back and stop that car. But I couldn't have anyway. Right? This wasn't my fault, was it?_  
_It feels like it is._  
_I miss you, babe. I miss everything._  
_You know, I still have your pretty yellow cardigan you always used to wear. It's right where you left it... draped over the back of the chair in my bedroom._  
_I'm not going to move it, okay?_  
_I know how you are about that kind of thing._  
_Quinn, I've been going to therapy. Real therapy, not just talking to Kurt and Mercedes. Kurt thinks he's a therapist, its funny really. Everyone has been so good to me. And they all miss you so much._  
_I bet you miss everyone too, don't you?_  
_I'm sure I miss you the most though._  
_Anyway, the therapy? Yeah. I've been going. It's helping a little. I've learned to not dwell so much on what happened, and think more about the happy things that bring back good memories. Sometimes it's really difficult to even think about the good things, because I always forget that we'll never do that together anymore. But I'm trying. I think my therapist knows that, and I think you know that too. It's just been hard, you know?_

_I have to go, Kurt and Blaine are calling. Everyone is meeting up at Breadstix tonight._  
_I'm going to request the booth by the window._  
_I know how much you loved that seat._  
_That's where we had our first date, remember?_  
_Okay, I've really got to go! They're getting really impatient. That's Kurt and Blaine for you._

_I love you, okay? I promise I'll write you again soon._  
_It feels so great to talk to you again._  
_Well, you know what I mean._  
_I love you, Quinnie._  
_So much._

_-Rach_

The small brunette rolled over on her side, letting the coolness of unused sheets test her skin. It felt good. It was an autumn morning, a lot like any other. Except it wasn't.  
Today was Quinn's birthday. Or it would have been. 19 years old.

Rachel sighed and let her hand fall over the edge of the bed. She had replaced the old queen bed they had just boughten for their new apartment with something smaller. A full. There's only one sleeper now. And it's not like she could lie in the same bed that she and her fiancé would lie in every night. Huddled up in each others arms, drinking hot tea and watching Bravo reruns on cool dry mornings like today. Rachel didn't continue that tradition. She tried, but it wasn't the same alone.

Finally bringing herself to her feet, Rachel made an attempt to get dressed and ready for work. Not work. She wasn't getting paid.  
School, in a way. She was going back to McKinley this week to help Mr. Shue with auditions for the school musical. She would've been at NYADA, with Quinn not far away in her little office cubical as she continued with her online night classes. Quinn had completed duel credits and would've technically been in her junior year of college.  
She would've been.  
Rachel deferred her NYADA acceptance after Quinn's accident. Life had spun around and knocked her on her ass, and there was no way she could go on like everything was normal.

"Morning, Rachel." Mr. Shue said sympathetically. He knows that today is Quinn's birthday.  
"Good morning, Mr. Shue." Rachel sighed breathily, a bit worn out. She knew he would try to comfort her and talk to her, so she slapped on a quick fake smile. "Lets get started, shall we? What musical is it this year?"  
Mr. Shue had a huge smile on his face. Oh man.  
"Are you ready Rachel? I don't think you are! Okay okay! We're doing..." He paused for his usual overly done dramatic moment. His fingers dribbled along the edge of the table, creating a drumroll.  
"GREASE!" Will shouted happily.  
Grease?  
As in, Summer Nights? You're the One that I Want? Etc?  
No way.  
"Rachel? RACHEL!" Mr. Shue snapped his fingers in the brunette a face, causing her jump. "Rachel, are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost. Is there something wrong with the musica-"  
He stopped mid sentence. He got it.  
"No. Oh no, don't tell me that's..."  
Rachel's somber expression remained unchanged, she looked towards her feet and nodded slowly.  
"Her favorite musical." She whispered.


	2. For Her

The curly haired teacher placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder. He knew it must be really hard for her. Everywhere she went, everything she saw could remind her of the late blonde. As much as he would appreciate the help from his former student, he didn't want to make her do something that would be uncomfortable.  
"Rachel, you don't have to do this. Okay? I understand. I can handle it on my own if I need to." Will nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly.  
"No. No, I want to do this." Rachel softened her voice. "Yes, it was Quinn's favorite, and its going to be hard without her, but I want to do it." The girl ran her hands along the surface of the table.  
"Are you sure?" Mr. Shue questioned, sensing the uneasy tone of Rachel's voice.  
"Yes. I am." Rachel nodded, a small smile pulling at her mouth.  
"Oh- Okay." He stuttered. "Meet me in the auditorium in about an hour, people are going to start showing up." Will mentioned in a matter-of-fact tone. Rachel watched him leave the classroom.  
"I'll be there."

Rachel sighed and turned behind her to the empty seats of the choir room. A small smile appeared as she went over all the fabulous memories with her friends through the last 3 years. The last 3 years of glee club were the best of her life so far. She met amazing people here.  
She met Quinn here.  
Quinn.  
Rachel's attention turned to the piano on the other side of the room.  
This is where they sang they're first duet.  
Untouched by The Veronicas.  
The girl smiled and bit her lip at the fond memory. Speaking of fond memories, the musical.  
Quinn loved Grease.  
Loved it.  
She had always wanted to be like Sandy.  
There were little things about Quinn that Rachel would never get over.  
One of them was how she used to sing Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee around the house as she got ready in the mornings.

Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee  
Lousy with virginity  
Won't go to bed 'til I'm legally wed  
I can't; I'm Sandra Dee

Rachel let her mind wonder for longer than she though before he heard a familiar voice calling her name.  
"Kurt, hi!"  
She smiled, snapping out of her daydream as the young man strode toward her.  
"What're you doing here?" Rachel asked curiously, getting up and embracing Kurt in a hug.  
"Helping Mr. Shue with the musical. Are you doing that too?" Kurt stood opposite her by the piano.  
Rachel nodded. "They're doing Grease." She said calmly, messing with the folds of her light purple dress.  
Kurt propped his elbows up on the piano top, folding his hands and resting his head on them.  
He cocked his head, watching the brunette intently.  
"You're thinking of her."

Rachel looked up suddenly, and back down again. "How could I not?"  
"Rach, it's her favorite musical. It's gonna hurt. But you know what, it's gonna be okay." Kurt reached over and enveloped her small hands with his.  
Something about the warmth of his touch made Rachel feel safe, made her feel like maybe everything really would be okay.  
"I know. You're right. And I know, I know it's going to be okay. My therapist keeps telling me to focus on the happy memories. I haven't been doing a very good job with that, but I'm gonna try." She nodded, her curls flipping around her face. "And I want to start now. With this musical." Rachel played out her words seriously, a grin growing bigger on her face.  
"That's great, Rachel." Kurt smiled sympathetically.  
Rachel let out a sigh, grabbing Kurt's arm and pulling her along with him. "Lets go! Mr. Shue will be wondering where we are." She started down the hall way with a chuckle, leaving Kurt struggling to keep up with the sudden change in emotion.  
Rachel had a plan.

The two friends entered the auditorium just as Will was sitting down.  
"Great, Kurt's here! Okay let's get started-"  
"Mr. Shue I have an idea. " Rachel interjected, dropping her friendly hold on Kurt's arm and taking a seat beside the teacher.  
"Okay, uh, what is it?" Mr. Shue asked, pulling a clipboard from the table.  
"I want to put the show on and dedicate it in memory of Quinn."


	3. In Love With A Girl

**AN; Hello hello! Been awhile since the last chapter of Red! But here we are with a new one! I am also currently working on Ch2 of My Sister, The New Girl and a new Brittana fic as well. **

**This chapter has the first flashback! (The whole chapter is the flashback, excluding the letter at the beginning. And yes, every chapter will begin with a letter from Rachel, FYI.) This chapter is also much longer, thankfully. Expect later chapters to be much like this type! **

**Thank you for the favs and folows. **

**Reviews are GREATLY appreciated!**

**Anyway, on to the story!**

* * *

_Dear Quinn,_

_Today is September 28th. It's your birthday!_  
_Remember what we did last year?_  
_Disaster!_

_-Rachel_

* * *

Quinn Fabray had just finished putting her books into her locker when she heard a voice she knew so well.  
It took her a moment to actually focus on what the feminine voice was saying.  
Or, singing, actually.  
"Happy Birthday to Quuuiiiinnn, happy birthday to you!"  
The small girl in front of her jumped up and down happily as she finished the last line. She reached up and planted a quick kiss on the blonde's cheek.  
"Thank you, Rach." Quinn smiled at her girlfriend. "Now stop before you make an even bigger scene." She laughed softly.  
Rachel looked around them with a confused expression, wondering what kind of scene she was really making.  
Although they were two girls, they still managed to be the IT couple at McKinley.  
Maybe it had something to do with Quinn being the former head Cheerio and most popular girl in the school.  
Or maybe it was because the pair was simply that alluring.

"I'm kidding, Rachel." Quinn grabbed the girls hand and intertwined their fingers.  
"You'd better be. I thought you were embarrassed of me for a second." Rachel droned sarcastically as they started off towards the door that led to Quinn's homeroom.  
"Don't be silly, Rach. I would never be embarrassed by you." She said with a smile, shifting her binder clad arm so her bag was on her shoulder.  
The girls reached their destination and said their goodbyes, exchanged 'I love you's and promised they'd see each other in Glee club.  
Rachel wouldn't be waiting that long, however.

* * *

Halfway through her Pre Calculous exam, Quinn's phone went off in her cardigan pocket.  
Thank god she had it on vibrate.  
Luckily, she was nearly finished with her test so she bubbled in the last of her answers and got up to hand the sheets to her teacher.  
Making sure she was truly satisfied with her work, she placed them in the basket, retrieved the bathroom pass from the hook and stepped into the hallway.  
Once in the bathroom, she leaned against the sink and pulled out her phone.  
She unlocked it with a swift flick of her thumb and saw that the message was from Rachel.

**Rach :**  
Auditorium after this class. Love you!

Quinn smiled as she read the text. What could Rachel be planning?  
Replying with a quick smiley face, she went back to class with anticipation.  
As soon as the bell rang, the blonde scooped up her things an hurried out of the class.  
After stopping at her locker to get rid of her extra baggage, she started for the auditorium.

When she got there, Rachel was sitting on the edge of the stage. She looked lovely.  
Her hair was pulled over one shoulder, and Quinn could just make out the small tattoo on the back of her neck that she had gotten this past summer.  
That tattoo.  
Sometimes as they were laying in bed together, Quinn would trace the outline of the tattoo with her index finger.

"Quinn!" Rachel stepped up onto the stage eagerly when she saw her girlfriend standing there. "Come here."  
Her hands made into quick motions that beckoned Quinn closer to her.  
She grabbed ahold of her hand and followed her to the stool that was set up facing the middle of the stage.  
"Rach.. whats this for..." Quinn's voice ended in more of a knowing statement rather than a question.  
"Just be quiet." Rachel pleaded without looking over her shoulder. "Sit down."  
Quinn did so.  
Rachel turned to face her. She patted her dress, and tucked a lone piece of hair behind her ear. Quinn smiled at the small gesture.  
"Today, you're 18. It's so weird to think that just some years before, we'd never met. You, Quinn, you're extraordinary. You picked me up when I was down. You're always there for me. And I don't know what I would've done without you these past few years. You're everything I could have ever wished for and so much more than that. Everything you do is spectacular. I'm so so proud to call you my girlfriend." Rachel touched her hand to chest and smiled at her.  
Quinn had to dab at her eyes already.  
It wasn't over yet.  
"You know I still want to go to New York, and I know you do too. But for the longest time, I thought New York was my only love, my calling, my home. I was wrong." Rachel walked closer to her now clearly love-stricken girlfriend and places her hand on top of hers.  
"My home isn't something, its someone. It's you."  
Quinn's breath was shallow and shaky when she found the ability to speak again. The speech Rachel gave, so to speak, was beautiful.  
Neither of the two said anything for what seemed like hours. Just looked at each other and smiled.  
Finally, Quinn got up and embraced Rachel in a warm hug.  
"I love you." The blonde whispered into the girls soft dark hair.  
The girls break apart eventually, Rachel squeezed Quinn's hand tighter.  
"You know, I was going to sing to you. But with the time permitting, I'm going to save it for glee." Rachel said as the bell rang, signaling that they were already late for their classes.  
They bid farewells and hug. Quinn skittered off to her Humanities class and Rachel headed to the library for study hall.

Mr. Schuester was always late. Always. It's not usually by much but it's enough to make Rachel impatient. Glee members filed in, each sending a quick "happy birthday!" to Quinn, accompanied with a smile or hug.  
He appeared a few minutes later.  
"Okay guys! It's time to work on our Regionals setlist! I was thinking we could do something a little more upbeat this year." Mr. Schue said, scribbling a few ideas on the white board behind him.  
Rachel's hand is first to shoot up after he turns back around.  
"Rachel, I'm sure you have a million ideas for us but Id actually like to let others take a chance for-"  
"Not that, Mr. Schue." Rachel waves him off before getting up to stand in front of the choir room.  
Will retreats to the now open seat next to Quinn.  
"Id like to dedicate this song to Quinn. Happy birthday. I love you." That last words were drawn out and pointed so softly at Quinn that the whole room settled into a comfortable hush.  
The musicians start their music. Rachel sat down on a stool she pulled into the middle. She smiled at her girlfriend and took a deep breath. The melody was slow but it had a steady pace that Quinn recognized as Gavin DeGraw's "I'm in Love With A Girl." The song was usually upbeat, but Rachel could change the pitch and speed to make it into a spine tingling love ballad.

_So many people gonna say that they want you,_  
_To try to get you thinking they really care,_  
_But there's nothing like the warmth of the one who has put in the time and you know she's gonna be there_

Rachel's voice made Quinn's heart flutter like a schoolgirls. Rachel always had a wonderful voice and she knew how to use it too.

_I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,_  
_Fell for the woman just when I met her,_  
_Took my sweet time when i was bitter,_  
_Someone understands,_  
_And she knows how to treat a lover right,_  
_Give me that feeling every night,_  
_Wants to make love when i wanna fight,_  
_Now someone understand me,_  
_I'm in love with a girl(I'm in love with)_  
_I'm in love with a girl(I'm in love with)_

_Out the many broken back doors and windows,_  
_Through the valley of the love of the lost,_  
_Is a hole that is cut through the souls falling down_  
_from the thrones without needing any windows,_  
_But you found inner peace for the moment,_  
_The moment was over in time,_  
_Then its gone the hit and run the dipless one has a short life_

The rest of the song was beautiful. It earned an audible amount of claps and heartfelt glances when Quinn stood up and embraced the brunette.  
The hug was followed by a sweet kiss, which made some blush.  
It was cute, though.

After glee club, Rachel invites Quinn over for birthday dinner.  
And after some convincing on Rachel's part, Quinn had agreed.

* * *

True to her word, Rachel's doorbell rang at 6 o clock.  
When Rachel opened the door, her breath was stolen. Quinn looked beautiful. Her shoulder length hair was tied back in a side ponytail and she had a braided headband behind her bangs. Her dress was a light peachy color and she looked lovely in it. She poured them each a glass of Champagne.

Quinn was sitting by the window reading her book as Rachel was cooking.  
Quinn smelled smoke, but didnt think much of it. Suddenly, giant flames burst from underneath the pan on the stove.  
Rachel screamed, backing away and throwing her drink at the fire.  
"Rach!" Quinn yelled. Her book is slammed closed as she watched her girlfriend.  
After two more glasses of champagne the fire is out. But dinner is ruined.  
"Ohhhh noooo." Rachel whimpered, resulting in a giggling Quinn.  
"It's not funny!" Rachel gasped.  
Quinn went over to the brunette and rubbed her shoulders. "Babe, its okay."  
"No it's not. I wanted to make you dinner with all your favorites and I just ruined it all." She sighed, throwing her arms down in defeat.  
Quinn smiled at the flustered girl.

"I said dont worry about it, Rachel." The blonde said, reaching to move a piece of Rachel's hair out of her face. She pouted into Quinn's shoulder.

"Stop that." Quinn commanded. "We can order pizza, and watch some movies. It'll be fun, its okay." Quinn grabbed her phone and the yellowpages book for a number. Rachel nodded and began to clean up the mess she made.

"Alright pizza will be here in half an hour!" Quinn set the phone down and swept Rachel into a hug.  
"I can get some ice cream for dessert!" Rachel offered.

Quinn only looked at her, her lips curling up into a smile. Her eyes grew dark with the faint trace of lust in them. She turned Rachel's attention back to her and joined their lips. Rachel leaned into the sultry kiss as Quinn wrapped her arms around her neck.  
They parted for air and Quinn tilted her forehead to Rachel's, kissing the side of her mouth sweetly. "Ice cream is good, but I'd much rather just have you."


End file.
